Marriage is a verb
Marriage is hard sometimes.
I remember thinking that the first year was the hardest for us; we were just kids out of college who hadn’t even spent a ton of time together. And as we started to figure out how to communicate, it got easier. And easier.
Adding a kid changed things a little, and adding another kid changed things even more. We are happier than we have ever been, but it’s also harder than it has ever been to make time for communicating and staying on the same page. We still love each other, and we’re happiest when we’re together, but it takes a lot of effort. And to be honest, recently I haven’t “felt like” making all the effort required.
I am finding that I can’t just set my marriage to autopilot and expect that it will be fine while I focus on taking care of my kids or getting projects done or enjoying my hobbies. It takes work every day to make sure that I am putting my husband first, communicating with him, and treating him with the utmost respect. Lately I would rather just be selfish and not think about him. Not be willing to change my actions or reactions. I’m worn out from the effort it takes to be the mommy to these two little girls. By the time they are in bed, I want time to myself. I want to do what I want.
And yet my marriage is the thing that will last, when my kids are off to college and to change the world. I must put the effort in now, because this is the rock that my children’s – and my own – life is built upon.
So, dear husband, I’m sorry for being tired. I’m sorry for not always being willing to put you first. I am ready to change all that, no matter how tiring it will be for me, because it is worth it. You are worth it. We are worth it.
I hear ya. Your kids are very lucky to have you two as parents!
I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately too. We don’t have kids yet so it is significantly easier but I’ve got to be intentional about my marriage. Communicating, praying together, putting him first, it all takes work…but it’s a foundation for our family. Thanks for sharing your heart!
Bee, you and Tom have all it takes to succeed in your marriage. We have seen you mature as the years have gone by and we are so happy that you have each other. You will never stop being a Mommy and Daddy, but the emphasis will change. As you said, the day will come when it is just the two of you together as the children grow up and follow their own path. Grandpa and I are grateful every day that we are still lucky enough to have each other. He has been my rock during this trying year of serious illness, as I would be his. We give thanks every day for His gift to us. Love to you all. Grandma
I think its a good lesson to learn
We don’t have kids yet but I couldn’t help thinking that our relationship with God is like that too
At least that’s the point I’m at right now – I finally get some time to myself and I want to do what I want and not spend time with God.
Thanks for posting!
Thanks for being so vulnerable and honest Bee! You are so insightful!
bee,
with the health issues i’ve had lately, i have found myself focused only on me, forgetting that uncle dennis needs me to be there for him too. thank you for reminding me. even after 33 years, marriage still takes effort.
just stopped by to say hi. You are not alone, many wives and moms go through times exactly like this. Thanks for your transparency. I think many will read this and say “hmm..thank goodness I’m not alone.” What you said at the end is very true- it is worth it.